1. |
Prelude
02:22
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I.
Instrumental
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2. |
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II.
While I was fearing it, it came,
But came with less of fear,
Because that fearing it so long
Had almost made it dear.
There is a fitting a dismay,
A fitting a despair.
‘T is harder knowing it is due,
Than knowing it is here.
The trying on the utmost,
The morning it is new,
Is terribler than wearing it
A whole existence through.
-- Emily Dickinson
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3. |
What I suffered
01:41
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III.
“It is difficult to put into words what I suffered-- the longing that seemed to be tearing my heart out by the roots, the dreadful sense of being alone in an empty universe, the agonies that thrilled through me as if the blood were running ice-cold in my veins, the disgust with living, the impossibility of dying… I had stopped composing; my mind seemed to become feebler as my feelings grew more intense. I did nothing. One power was left to me-- to suffer.”
-- Hector Berlioz
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4. |
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IV.
I felt a Cleaving in my Mind —
As if my Brain had split —
I tried to match it — Seam by Seam —
But could not make them fit.
The thought behind, I strove to join
Unto the thought before —
But Sequence ravelled out of Sound
Like Balls — upon a Floor.
-- Emily Dickinson
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5. |
Interlude 1
01:30
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V.
Spoken words
--AJ Isaacson-Zvidzwa
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6. |
I'm nobody! Who are you?
01:51
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VI.
I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us — don't tell!
They 'd banish us, you know.
How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!
-- Emily Dickinson
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7. |
Mad Genius
01:04
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VII.
[On poet Robert Lowell]
“Some… found him excitable and talkative during this period, but since the talk was always brilliant and very often flattering to them, they could see no reason to think of Lowell as “ill,” indeed, he was behaving just as some of them hoped a famous poet would behave…when [Lowell’s wife] became convinced that Lowell was indeed sick… Her version of Lowell was not theirs, even when they were discussing the same symptoms; what to her was “mad” was to them another mark of Lowell’s genius.”
-- Ian Hamilton
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8. |
The Fly
01:14
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VIII.
Little Fly
Thy summers play,
My thoughtless hand
Has brush'd away.
Am not I
A fly like thee?
Or art not thou
A man like me?
For I dance
And drink & sing:
Till some blind hand
Shall brush my wing.
If thought is life
And strength & breath:
And the want
Of thought is death;
Then am I
A happy fly,
If I live,
Or if I die.
-- William Blake
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9. |
God
01:50
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IX.
Damn fly.
What fly?
Don’t you hear it?
“Dear Diary, I’ve been having hallucinations
and am feeling really scared and alone…”
BE STILL
God, is that you?
YES, MY CHILD
I need help.
Excuse me, who are you talking to?
BE STILL MY CHILD
Don’t you hear that?
I don’t hear anything.
Don’t you hear God’s voice?
God is speaking to me!!
I HEAR GOD!!!
die die die die DIE DIE...
What? God, is that you?
God, where are you? Make this stop!
LEAVE ME ALONE!
-- AJ Isaacson-Zvidzwa
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10. |
Alone, I cannot be--
02:04
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X.
Alone, I cannot be —
For Hosts — do visit me —
Recordless Company —
Who baffle Key —
They have no Robes, nor Names —
No Almanacs — nor Climes —
But gen’ral Homes, Like Gnomes —
Their Coming, may be known
By Couriers within —
Their going — is not —
For they've Never gone —
-- Emily Dickinson
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11. |
Interlude 2
00:52
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XI.
Instrumental
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12. |
Pathological Enthusiasm
01:27
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XII.
“...I had an attack of pathological enthusiasm. The night before... I ran about the streets... crying out against devils... I believed I could stop cars and paralyse their forces by merely standing in the middle of the highway with my arms spread... I suspected I was a reincarnation of the Holy Ghost, and had become homicidally hallucinated.”
-- Robert Lowell
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13. |
Interlude 3
01:01
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XIII.
Instrumental
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14. |
Spirit's House
02:03
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XIV.
From naked stones of agony
I will build a house for me;
As a mason all alone
I will raise it, stone by stone,
And every stone where I have bled
Will show a sign of dusky red.
I have not gone the way in vain,
For I have good of all my pain;
My spirit’s quiet house will be
Built on naked stones I trod
On roads where I lost sight of God.
-- Sara Teasdale
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15. |
In the night
01:06
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XV.
[On composer Robert Schumann]
"In the night, not long after we had gone to bed, Robert got up and wrote down a melody which, he said, the angels had sung to him. Then he lay down again and talked deliriously the whole night, staring at the ceiling all the time. When morning came, the angel's transformed themselves into devils and sang horrible music, telling him he was a sinner and that they were going to cast him into hell. He became hysterical, screaming in agony that they were pouncing on him like tigers and hyenas, and seizing him in their claws."
-- Clara Schumann
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16. |
Hymn
01:46
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XVI.
At morn—at noon—at twilight dim—
Maria! thou hast heard my hymn!
In joy and wo—in good and ill—
Mother of God, be with me still!
When the Hours flew brightly by
And not a cloud obscured the sky,
My soul, lest it should truant be,
Thy grace did guide to thine and thee;
Now, when storms of Fate o’ercast
Darkly my Present and my Past,
Let my Future radiant shine
With sweet hopes of thee and thine!
-- Edgar Allan Poe
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17. |
Expansive force
01:21
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XVII.
"I could well believe there is a violent ‘expansive force’ within me. I see that wide horizon and the sun, and I suffer so much, so much, that if I did not take a grip of myself I should shout and roll on the ground. I have found only one way of completely satisfying this immense appetite for emotion, and that is music. Without it I am certain I could not go on living."
-- Hector Berlioz
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18. |
Interlude 4
02:03
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XVIII.
Instrumental
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19. |
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XIX.
If I can stop one Heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain
If I can ease one Life the Aching,
Or cool one Pain,
Or help one fainting Robin
Unto his Nest again,
I shall not live in vain
-- Emily Dickinson
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AJ Isaacson-Zvidzwa Minneapolis, Minnesota
AJ Isaacson-Zvidzwa is a Minnesota based classical violist, violinist, and composer.
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